Of all the technology we've grown used to, perhaps the one we take the most for granted is the cell phone. It's with us everywhere, it's always on, and for personal calls, it has more or less replaced land line phones. I sometimes find myself wondering, "What in the world would we do without cell phones??"
But when I ask myself this (usually when my cell phone has bailed me out of a car that won't start or prevented me from driving 2 hours in the wrong direction), for some reason I forget that I only have to remember my adolescent years. I'm pretty sure I got my first cell phone -- an awesome hand-me-down flip-phone from my mom -- my senior year of high school. So for about 17 years, I lived in this almost unimagineable horror show scenario of life without a cell.
At any rate, by the grace of God this technology has abounded among all the peoples of the country. We all have one. We all use it every day. But for some reason, there's no universal set of rules for this ubiquitous device. Since we've already set out to make rules for facebook use, and since my friend Scot suggested this topic, let's declare (un)acceptable cell phone use.
Rules for your mobile (as they're often called "outside the States")
[Did you ever notice that if you want to sound like an awesomely pretentious world traveler, you just have to refer to the US as "the States"? Try it. It always works.]
1. We don't all have text conversation mode. So don't "machine gun text" me.
Yes, iPhones, smartphones, and almost every phone other than mine have the wonderful ability to combine all your texts with one person into one long text conversation. Mine doesn't. So while your phone says:
Jon: Hey, you want to hang out this weekend?
Other person: No.
Sorry.
I've got stuff going on.
But maybe some other time.
No, wait.
Nevermind.
I remembered, I don't like you.
Mine says, "You have 7 new text messages." And I have to read each one separately. In the reverse order that they appear in my inbox. Also, in a short timespan my phone has vibrated 14 times. So yeah... just condense that into one or two texts.
2. When I'm with you in person, keep your texting to a minimum.
Nothing says "I don't want to be here hanging out with you" more than a continual string of texts that takes precedence over what's actually happening in real life.
3. Don't text and drive.
This is becoming a law in most states, I think, so it should obviously make the list.
4. Feel free to talk on your phone while you drive.
Unless your state has outlawed this. It's good to obey laws, for your sake and for the coherence of society. But if your local legislators allow it, Tangent Space(s) isn't going to stop you: I do some of my best phone-talking while I'm behind the wheel.
5. Have your phone in an accessible place so that it doesn't ring 20 times.
It always baffles me when someone's phone goes off at an inopportune time/place (movie theater, church service, etc.) and it just... keeps... ringing. Are people keeping their phones in little secret pockets that are buttoned closed somewhere inside their coats or purses?
Help me standardize our nation's cell phone use
Obviously, what I'm actually asking you to do is have fun with me and share your cell phone pet peeves and opinions.
What controversial cell phone tactics would you outlaw or approve?
Jon
It was a dark, cold October night. The year was 1992. Ok, I'll admit I have no recollection of the temperature or amount of light outside, but it was a 1992 October night. In my short life up to that point, I had known many emotions -- joy, fear, envy, love, and obsession. But it was that night in autumn when I had my first run-in with heartbreak.
Some important background
The previous year, in the summer of 1991, my dad introduced me to organized baseball. He coached my team (his first of many years in that role), and I was the worst player ever (this may someday get its own post because of how funny it was; fortunately, my "embarrassingly awful" phase only lasted one year). But somehow, despite my literally jaw-dropping inability to play the game, I began to love it.
My newfound love for the game and my dad's ticket-producing business relationships led to many, many visits to Three Rivers Stadium to watch the Pirates in those years. So by the following fall, after two full seasons of watching Barry Bonds, Andy Van Slyke, and Jay Bell, I was a Buccos fanatic.
That night in October
The Pirates were in the NLCS against the ugly, racist Atlanta Braves (I'm just stating facts). The series was tied 3-3, so the winner of Game 7 would be playing in that year's World Series. The Braves had home field advantage, so I was watching the final showdown with my dad in our basement.
I won't go into too many details, but we were winning heading into the last half-inning, and our closer gave up two runs, blowing the save, and we lost.
I wept for two hours. But little did I know, the Pittsburgh Pirates were just getting started.
A neverending cycle of false hope and shattered dreams
The crushing soul-murder of the Pirates in the years since has been dramatically different from that of the '92 team. Rather than making it super close to the title and losing, they have just lost right out of the gates. In EVERY SINGLE SEASON since 1992, the squad has lost more games than it's won.
As the years of this losing streak have piled up, a question has begun to loom, pregnant with depression and despair -- when, O when, will the Pirates have a winning season (one in which our winning percentage is over .500)? It's really remarkable that the question on all Pirates fans' minds has nothing to do with when we'll win another championship, or even when we'll make the playoffs... just winning more games than we lose.
There are 3 basic approaches to answering this question. They're all depressing:
1. "This is the year."
These fans are on an annual emotional roller coaster that rivals the Millenium Force. Spring training and the first two weeks of the season are filled with joy. The rest of the season is filled with increasing torment. There's never a logical basis for this position, and the person who holds it knows that; it is admittedly believed as an act of faith.
2. "Ok, not this year, but seriously, like 2 or 3 years from now."
These fans (I'm usually one of them) are trying to ride the fence. It's almost the perfect example of trying to eat a cake but still be able to have the cake in front of you to gaze at with gratitude and anticipation. Not possible. The reasons it's so easy to dismiss the Pirates "this year" will inevitably still be true in 2-3 years. But some of us need to sleep at night.
3. "Forget about it. The Pirates will always be terrible. Life is meaningless."
Ok, not all of these fans have existential crises, but you catch my drift. This third camp has abandoned all hope and bought a lot of Steelers and Penguins gear. But the problem is, they are forced to always be around themselves, and that Negative Nancyism can't be good for your health. So instead of hope and crushing defeat, this fan lives with steady sorrow in the background.
Pirates fans, commiserate with me
Even if you're not a Buccos fan, join in and help the rest of us feel better about life:
When will the Pirates have a winning season?
What silly things break your heart?
Jon
I think it's a little weird that we use the word "dream" to mean a hope or aspiration ("I have a dream...", "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas"), or the bizarre phenomenon that sometimes happens in which, while sleeping, our minds experience miscellaneous sensations and try to make sense of them ("I had a dream where I was a turtle", "I can't remember my dream from last night, but I know I had one").
I guess it's not that weird, since each definition deals with envisioning things that are not actual, current realities.
Anyway, this tangent is not about definitions, and it's not about reaching for the stars. It's about the fun and mystery of having dreams while we sleep. Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia (and greatest tangent generator ever), says that "the content and purpose of dreams are not yet understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history." Let's speculate.
Some of the greatest features of the dream experience
Flying
I have had dreams with two different types of flying. One that's just swimming in the air and one that is legitimate, awesome, Superman-like soaring. The rare dream that lets me race through the air high above the city is basically the jackpot of all dreams.
Dream within a dream
This doesn't only happen in Inception. [Mini-tangent: man, that movie was good.] On a few occasions I have been dreaming, then "woken up" into another dream in which I'm in bed, musing about the original dream. Then when I wake up into real life, I have about 15 seconds of existential terror during which I hug myself and question what is real.
Lucid dreaming
This doesn't only happen in Vanilla Sky. [Mini-tangent: man, that movie was bizarre and mediocre.] Sometimes something so outlandish will happen in a dream that I will think to myself, "This is a dream." If it's a nightmare, I'll then will myself to wake up (which usually works). Other times, I decide to take over.
One great example of this is a dream I had a few years back in which my campus minister revealed he was a Satanist and tried to coerce me to join his dark ways. As I ran away from him in slow motion (for some reason, dreams force you to flee from life-threatening situations as if you're running through syrup), I realized I was dreaming. So I took over the dream, turned around, and started shooting blasts of light out of my hands at him and basically vaporized him.
Some other notable dreams I've had
- Many nightmares in which I'm about to go onstage to perform in a play but have no idea what play I'm in or who my character is.
- The common dream in which my teeth are loose and seemingly about to fall out.
- Some great celeb crush dreams: in elementary school, one in which Kelly Kapowski was in my backyard and I was working up the guts to tell her I liked her; in high school, one glorious dream in which Mandy Moore was my girlfriend.
Let's do an Inception "shared dream" thing
Sadly, that technology doesn't exist. But definitely tell me about your favorite dream features and the craziest dreams you've ever had!
Jon
There are probably a lot of funny stereotypes about old people. I'm not too familiar with them, except for those used in the ongoing trash talk war between a 27-year-old and a fifty-something in my yearly fantasy football league. There are always a lot of colorful remarks about Geritol.
But a seemingly universal activity of the elderly is pointing out the one glaring flaw of today's youth. If you know old people, you've probably heard some of them start a rant with, "The problem with young people today is..."
Yet, young people -- like all people -- have a lot more than just one problem. You know what they say (believe it or not, by "they" I mean "rappers", and the phrase I'm looking for is "mo' money, mo' problems".) Each generation, like each person, features a complex web of strengths, weaknesses, dilemmas, and dreams.
That being said...
The problem with young people today
The fear of failure. This might not seem like our prevailing blind spot, but the more I learn about life and myself, the more I realize this is a huge problem (at least with me). Whether it's a career decision, a romantic endeavor, a step of faith in ministry, or pretty much anything else that requires initiative and action, the fear of failure can assault us every step of the way.
To make this clear, let's take a look at the effects of this Achilles' heel before, during, and after some endeavor that requires faith, trust, or boldness:
Before the thing happens (or doesn't)
As I'm contemplating whether or not to ask out a girl, or initiate a spiritual conversation, or (in my line of work) travel to a new college to attempt to launch a new movement of Christian students, etc., this fear is at its strongest. Because in this phase of the process, the fear of failure can be paralyzing. We can end up not taking the action we should.
Because of the attached emotion (the fear that grips us and puts butterflies in our stomachs [butterflies that feel more like bats or pterodactyls]), we are ready to believe the lie that failure would be worse than inactivity.
We imagine that the girl saying no would be worse than keeping our feelings locked up, watching her marry someone else, and wondering what might have happened. That the person saying he'd rather not talk about God would somehow be worse than his continuing on in his present state of seeking, questioning, doubting, and hurting. That a group of Christians failing to come together or fizzling out would be worse than a school definitely continuing to have no community available to those students who want to grow in their faith.
Once you overcome fear of failure in this phase, it loses a lot of its power. So the rest will be briefer:
During the activity
If you're still afraid to fail while you're going for whatever gusto is at hand, that fear may pile up a crushing amount of pressure. If you see "failure" as unacceptable or scary, then you'll act/work/perform/talk in a way that will come across as stressed, fearful, and thus probably ineffective.
After it's all said and done
If you've managed to overcome the initial fear and have worked through the pressure but this fear is still holding you captive, there will be a bunch of words that start with 'd' waiting for you in the event of failure. Disappointment. Dejection. Depression. Doom. (Too much?)
I think the reason for this is pretty obvious. If we've made Failure out to be a horrifying possibility in our minds, and then it happens, we don't just have to deal with what actually happened, but with the Ghost of Failure Future that we dreamed up. And all its minions -- guilt, embarrassment, self-loathing, etc.
The solution -- the freedom to fail
This may seem oversimplified, but I know in my own life (to a small degree; I'm still learning this), a small but resolute change in perspective can make all the difference. This simple change is to embrace the freedom to fail.
Each time a venture is on the horizon, just embrace the possibility that the worst-case scenario might happen. The reality, which we then have to try to believe in our minds and hearts, is that this scenario isn't that bad at all. It's only our fear that makes it bad. And in almost any of these situations, doing nothing would be worse.
Then, in all three phases, fear loses its power. We can take action, do it with confidence, and be totally okay with ourselves in the event that it doesn't work out.
How about you?
Are you ever trapped by the fear of failure?
Any funny or illuminating stories about fear, pressure, or self-condemnation?
Jon
Our emotions toward other people are complicated. People who are hurt and broken often trigger compassion and sympathy in us. But sometimes they don't, if they're really mean or seem violent or annoy us via constant whining or have made obvious choices to get themselves in this mess but keep blaming others...
And then, eventually, cue the guilt. Because we know we should care for people, and that when people have serious issues, they don't really want or need our disdain heaped onto the pile. They need prayer, a listening ear, maybe some advice, maybe some sort of tangible help. But probably not my ridicule.
Anyway, I recently had a conversation with some random dude, and I just don't know how to think or feel about it. So I submit it to you, fellow tangent explorers, in the hope that you can shed some light on it, but also ponder the way you feel and act toward random dudes.
The most mystifying conversation I've ever had
Jon is walking alone on a Friday night. No explanation given for his boring social life. A 21-year-old male ("Dude") approaches him from across the street. Dude steps in stride with Jon.
Dude: So are you thinking about jumping off a bridge?
Jon: Um, no. Wait, what?
Dude: That's what selfish people do. They think about jumping off bridges.
Jon: Sorry man, I don't know what you're talking about.
Dude: (Scowling) I think it's pretty obvious.
Jon: (Looking around to make sure there are people/witnesses) Sorry, it's not obvious to me.
Dude: Well I'm not in the habit of repeating myself when what I'm saying is obvious. Are you American? Do you speak English?
Jon: Yeah.
Dude: (Belligerent) Oh, so you just want me to repeat what I'm saying for your stupidity?
Jon: Hey man, I'm sorry I don't understand you. (Jon stops walking so that Dude's momentum will hopefully carry him forward and end the conversation. It works.)
Dude: Look, the truth is right there. If you don't want to look at it, if you don't want to get into it, that's your problem. (Walks away.)
Is this real life?
Normally, that part of town would have been flooded with college students on a Friday night, but they're away for spring break. So, as I walked to my car from my dinner with a friend, the stage was set perfectly for this incredibly bizarre stand-off between Dude and myself. I was shaken by the craziness of it all, and I immediately called my sister to calm down before driving home.
Like I said before, I don't have any mental category under which to place this experience. I also haven't been able to understand that opening line. The guy seemed pretty lucid. And he was young. The whole thing just seems like a nightmare.
Help me
Can you interpret what this guy was saying? Feel free to get creative.
Any thoughts about compassion, guilt, etc.?
Jon
