All I do is FAIL

There are probably a lot of funny stereotypes about old people.  I'm not too familiar with them, except for those used in the ongoing trash talk war between a 27-year-old and a fifty-something in my yearly fantasy football league.  There are always a lot of colorful remarks about Geritol.

But a seemingly universal activity of the elderly is pointing out the one glaring flaw of today's youth.  If you know old people, you've probably heard some of them start a rant with, "The problem with young people today is..."

Yet, young people -- like all people -- have a lot more than just one problem.  You know what they say (believe it or not, by "they" I mean "rappers", and the phrase I'm looking for is "mo' money, mo' problems".)  Each generation, like each person, features a complex web of strengths, weaknesses, dilemmas, and dreams.

That being said...


The problem with young people today

The fear of failure.  This might not seem like our prevailing blind spot, but the more I learn about life and myself, the more I realize this is a huge problem (at least with me).  Whether it's a career decision, a romantic endeavor, a step of faith in ministry, or pretty much anything else that requires initiative and action, the fear of failure can assault us every step of the way.

To make this clear, let's take a look at the effects of this Achilles' heel before, during, and after some endeavor that requires faith, trust, or boldness:

Before the thing happens (or doesn't)
As I'm contemplating whether or not to ask out a girl, or initiate a spiritual conversation, or (in my line of work) travel to a new college to attempt to launch a new movement of Christian students, etc., this fear is at its strongest.  Because in this phase of the process, the fear of failure can be paralyzing.  We can end up not taking the action we should.

Because of the attached emotion (the fear that grips us and puts butterflies in our stomachs [butterflies that feel more like bats or pterodactyls]), we are ready to believe the lie that failure would be worse than inactivity. 

We imagine that the girl saying no would be worse than keeping our feelings locked up, watching her marry someone else, and wondering what might have happened.  That the person saying he'd rather not talk about God would somehow be worse than his continuing on in his present state of seeking, questioning, doubting, and hurting.  That a group of Christians failing to come together or fizzling out would be worse than a school definitely continuing to have no community available to those students who want to grow in their faith.

Once you overcome fear of failure in this phase, it loses a lot of its power.  So the rest will be briefer:

During the activity
If you're still afraid to fail while you're going for whatever gusto is at hand, that fear may pile up a crushing amount of pressure.  If you see "failure" as unacceptable or scary, then you'll act/work/perform/talk in a way that will come across as stressed, fearful, and thus probably ineffective.

After it's all said and done
If you've managed to overcome the initial fear and have worked through the pressure but this fear is still holding you captive, there will be a bunch of words that start with 'd' waiting for you in the event of failure.  Disappointment. Dejection.  Depression.  Doom. (Too much?)

I think the reason for this is pretty obvious.  If we've made Failure out to be a horrifying possibility in our minds, and then it happens, we don't just have to deal with what actually happened, but with the Ghost of Failure Future that we dreamed up.  And all its minions -- guilt, embarrassment, self-loathing, etc.


The solution -- the freedom to fail

This may seem oversimplified, but I know in my own life (to a small degree; I'm still learning this), a small but resolute change in perspective can make all the difference.  This simple change is to embrace the freedom to fail.

Each time a venture is on the horizon, just embrace the possibility that the worst-case scenario might happen.  The reality, which we then have to try to believe in our minds and hearts, is that this scenario isn't that bad at all.  It's only our fear that makes it bad.  And in almost any of these situations, doing nothing would be worse.

Then, in all three phases, fear loses its power.  We can take action, do it with confidence, and be totally okay with ourselves in the event that it doesn't work out.


How about you?

Are you ever trapped by the fear of failure?

Any funny or illuminating stories about fear, pressure, or self-condemnation?


                                                       Jon