2.14.2013

#GETANOFFICE

Friends,

Fun fact: I've never had to interview for a job. I've had jobs -- real ones with health insurance and above-the-table payments -- but not one that's required an interview. Several positions were just crappy and didn't even merit an interview. Here's how my "real jobs" have started:

Teaching assistant: came with my grad school acceptance
Test-prep teacher: had to "audition" (literally), but not interview
College ministry: had to apply, but not interview

And so, I've been blessedly spared from sharing about a time I had to overcome adversity or my best experience of working with a group or a time when things didn't go as planned and I had to improvise.

I've also never conducted a job interview for others. Why, then, have I logged hours and hours in interviews? Why have I heard about valuable experience, office conflicts, career goals, skill sets, and blah blah blah blah blah?? It's simple, really...

I spend time at Panera.


Public Job [Inter/Re]views
It's up there with public breastfeeding

I've probably just read too much science fiction, but I'm starting to think Panera is somehow cosmically significant. Metaphysically unique. Something about the place serves as a beacon, irresistibly drawing in every officeless job interview in a 5-mile radius.

Like I said, too much science fiction.

But the fact remains that almost every time I'm in a Panera, a job interview (by an employer other than Panera) is taking place at the table next to me.

I mean, I get the draw of the place in general. A clean atmosphere, free internet, bread bowls, refills on delicious iced tea and even iced coffee... that's why I do my work there so often. But there's a big difference between my silent computer work and a job interview. Why are public interviews so inappropriate?

1. It's distracting for the patrons
When people go out to eat, they like to be able to enjoy food and conversation with minimal distraction. Sure, there will be people seated at the adjacent table, but you simply ignore them and go on. But when that nearby conversation is with people in suits asking each other about a time they showed flexibility in the face of unexpected change, it's hard not to get drawn in to hear the answer or watch the interviewee sweat bullets.

2. It must be jarring for the interviewee
Again, I've never done this whole thing, but I can only assume that when one prepares for an interview, shis focus is on eye contact and potential questions/answers. This preparation assumes a quiet, private setting; it probably doesn't factor in crying babies and Billy Joel songs.

But most of all...

3. It's awkward!!!
See below.

I was recently in Caribou, which for a while I'll be calling 'the new Panera', and one foot to my left there occurred a college intern's job review. My coworker Sara and I were silently working on individual things, when the internship coordinator to my left asked the intern a question...

*****
Boss: What's something you're excited about right now in the program?
Intern: Do you mean a project we're working on, or my own professional development?
Boss: Either one.
Intern: Um... ... hmm... ... uh... ... wow... give me a second... ... ...

I glanced up at Sara, needing to know if I was alone in this dark, hostile world of silence, unanswered questions, and sinking feelings in my stomach. Her eyes were already fixed on mine, a look of vacant, hopeless terror on her face.

Intern: ... sorry... ... ... ... I... ...I don't have an answer.

Sara's draw jopped and a confused whimper escaped her. I lost my grip on my pencil. It fell to the table as the world slowly faded from my mind, being replaced by that all-encompassing awkwardness.
*****

Sara and I survived that horrific encounter, but every day friendly, innocent patrons are attacked by similar bombs of awkward. This needs to stop. I don't have a great solution. I know these internship programs, non-profit organizations, and swimming pools don't have offices in which to interview applicants. But I think if you want to interview someone in person, it's your responsibility to either find a private place or, to return to my new favorite hashtag,

GET AN OFFICE!


Now I interview you
I think this is private enough?

Have you ever been interviewed in public?

Have you sat in on one of these Panera interviews?

Describe a time you had to overcome a workplace blah blah blah freaking blah...

Jon



2.07.2013

Third Annual Facebook Birthday Wall Post Analysis

Friends,

Two years ago, I decided to do a thorough (if unscientific) analysis of the Facebook wall posts people sent me on my birthday. [If you have tons of free time: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3] Then last year I revisited the subject with a new set of data and some encouraging conclusions. (Also, if you haven't yet, check out the comments on the 2012 post to read about how my initial study was a factor in a couple getting married!)

This year I considered abandoning the wall post analysis. It seems like I've beaten the crap out of that horse's corpse, and what does Tangent Space(s) offer if not the promise of something weird, interesting, pointless, and new?

What changed my mind?

The number of texts, remarks, and yes even wall posts, that communicated a fundamental misunderstanding of my stance on the birthday wall post.


What has been the point of all this?
Existential crisis much?

This year, before and during my birthday, many people said what amounted to: "I'm too nervous to write on your Facebook wall this year!" The perception seems to be that, because I obsessively blog about birthday wall posts, I must have some sort of wild, unattainable expectations for how awesome a post should be.

But this isn't the case at all! Have these people even read, re-read, and memorized my blog entries?! My thesis has never, ever been that people need to put a lot of time into the post or work really hard to make me laugh or cry. There are no high expectations here. My point has simply been that a personalized post is always significantly better than an unpersonalized post. This doesn't mean you have to write a sonnet or recollect our inside joke from 10th grade. It just means you should add to "Happy birthday" something-- anything-- that pertains to me and/or our friendship.

This could be the tiniest change. Consider the following two hypothetical posts:

Happy birthday, Jon!
vs.
Happy birthday, Jon! The Ravens suck.

The second one is so much better than the first, and it requires almost no special research, knowledge, creativity, or work. All that to say that making someone's birthday better is easy. And to say that the Ravens suck.

My 2013 birthday wall
It was a very good year.

After that stern bit of education, I want to thank everyone for making this my best Facebook wall birthday yet. I've streamlined the stats into just 'Personalized' and 'Not Personalized', though in the chart I do take special note of video/pictures and posts that mention this beloved blog.


To put these numbers into perspective, here are the results from my last 3 birthdays:

2011:   14% of posts were personalized
2012:   26%
2013:   28%


Your two cents
If you haven't already given me your life savings on this topic

What's your favorite type of birthday wall post to receive? Funny photos or videos? Inside jokes? Old memories? Or, um... "Happy birthday."

Jon