Christmas Eve Eve

People love Christmas, right?  They're all about it.  At this point I wonder why I'm using the third person -- I love it too.  We merrily sing "it's the most wonderful time of the year," and I don't ever find myself scratching my head and thinking, "I prefer March."

There are many reasons why people from all backgrounds love the Christmas season, but the tangent we are about to take isn't ambitious enough to tackle them all.  Without any further adieu, let's just get on with it: I think that along with the remembrance of Jesus' birth and the rampant giving and receiving of presents, one of the things that tugs at our heart at Christmas is Tradition.

The word "tradition" has lost some of its former glory.  Things, people, and institutions that are "traditional" seem to be boring, stuffy, or old-fashioned.  But at Christmas, Tradition steps back into the spotlight.  We appreciate its nostalgia, its familiarity, and its comfort.  And, if we're lucky, we may even have the chance to start new Christmas traditions...


The greatest Christmas tradition ever

It was 5 or 6 years ago (the record is unclear).  For some reason, my two friends (Zach and Chris) and I had the house to ourselves on December 23.  So we started to do what was somewhat common for us back then -- play games well into the night, then go to sleep in my room.

• [Tangent-within-a-tangent: I had bunk beds -- yes, when I went home to my Mom's house during college, I slept in a bunk bed.  It was funny when I'd have two friends stay over, which happened a lot.  I'd always sleep in the bottom bunk, and one guy would get the top one and the other would be on the floor.  I never really bothered to think about how they always worked it out, but I'm sure it was a moral dilemma that, if studied, would be quite fascinating.]

So it was probably around 2am when we settled into the bunk bed/floor setup.  But of course we talked once there, and our conversation was particularly lively that night.  Eventually, since spirits were high and none of us was close to falling asleep, one of the other two (the record is again surprisingly unclear; I'm guessing Chris) spoke these fateful words:

"I have an idea.  You can shoot it down if you want.  But what if we go back downstairs, and just play games... ALL.. NIGHT.. LONG?!"

A long pause.

Zach (if my memory is to be believed): I'm not going to be able to sleep tomorrow, I have family stuff, but... Let's do it!!  I'm in!!

This next part makes very little sense.  We got up and ran downstairs in a frenzy, and in the process the other two guys took off their shirts so they could run around like tribal warriors or something.  This is the opposite of everything I stand for (I guess I stand mainly for clothedness and civility), but in the chaos of the moment I had to go along with it.

Anyway, we played games until 6am and then went to McDonald's for Christmas Eve breakfast.  And thus, the tradition of Christmas Eve Eve was born.


My tradition, your traditions

The cast of characters for Christmas Eve Eve changes each year.  Chris and I are the only people who have been to every one (his absence from CEE in Orlando last year has been stricken from the record, since I stole the event and took it to Florida).  But every year we play games all night long on December 23 and, if there's a McDonald's nearby, we get breakfast there.

• You're invited!  Seriously, if you read this blog, you are qualified to take part in the festivities.  Let me know if you're interested and I'll get you the details.  You're not required to stay all night and get breakfast, but I don't think you'll want to leave once you've experienced the fun of CEE.
• What Christmas traditions do you love??

                                                         Jon

(a CEE favorite)

art (it seems more artsy to use all lower case)

Of all the words out there that can mean a million different things, "art" might be the shortest.  With just three letters, the tiny word carries so much on its back... it reminds me of an "ant".  Sorry, the words are so similar, I had to do it.

But seriously, I think everyone is an artist in one way or another.  Today I thought we could take a few mini-tangents to various media of creativity.  I just decided that they'll all be Christmas related:

Poetry -- Christmas haiku

• [Tangent-within-a-tangent: Did you know wikipedia claims haiku poems have lines of 5-7-5 moras, not syllables??  We've been making haiku wrong our whole lives!  Whatever, I'm sticking with what I know.]

Snow covers the road
My Corolla makes it home:
Christmas miracle
***
No room at the inn
The couple found a trough
The Word became flesh
***
One thing I don't get
About Rudolph the reindeer:
Why does his nose glow?

Visual art -- Whimsy4Windows

For whatever reason (the three main candidates are lack of talent, lack of interest, and a traumatic experience with an elementary school art teacher), I never really got into creating visual art.  But little did I know, all along my mom has been great at it!

She recently began an endeavor to create and sell "windows."  These are framed creations of faux stain glass that you hang in a window.  They look really cool as the sunlight goes through them.  Check them out here at her Etsy site. 

While it doesn't go with the Christmas theme, please note that the following window (which is sadly no longer listed on Etsy) is officially titled "Cowboy Bob."  Not Cowboy... Cowboy Bob.

Music (video) -- Sara Bareilles, all day every day

Okay, my obsession with Sara Bareilles is growing.  She has two winter-themed songs you can listen to for free on her site, and they're AMAZING.  Seriously, I would be willing to make one of those extreme movie-commercial stataments:

If you listen to one new winter-themed song this season, make it Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson.  (Sorry for the commercial you'll probably have to watch first, but it's well worth it!  This video is really awesome.)

Your art and/or your favorite art

1. Write a Christmas haiku or two and share as a comment
2. Share links to whatever art is moving you right now

Jon

Christian-ese 101

There are many benefits to being part of a subculture.  I won't take the time to list them.  But I will draw your attention to one: lingo.  I of course intend that to mean "jargon," not the game show hosted by Chuck Woolery (though if your subculture allows you to guess 5-letter words for money, I want in on that).

Certain words and phrases are only used, or only used to mean a certain thing, in specific groups of people.  This not only allows for precise and specified communication, but it opens the door for a plethora of inside jokes.  And blog posts.

So, for today's tangent, we explore some of the lingo of American Christianity, circa 1990-2010.  Here are some of the ones I most like to make fun of:

to bathe [something] in prayer
-verb
1. to pray earnestly and often for something (usually a person, place, or event)
The concert starts at 8:00, but please show up at 7:15; we really just want to bathe the whole night in prayer.
[Notes: People, places, and events must be inherently stained by sin, but a good dose of prayer can scrub that away.  It takes about 45 minutes to prayer-bathe a night.]

traveling mercies
-noun
1. that divine act of God by which He graciously allows someone to be safely transported somewhere else
2. an expedient way to summarize a request for that divine act
Do you have any prayer requests?
Just traveling mercies for this weekend as we go to Indianapolis.
[Notes: I suppose there's nothing wrong with this phrase, per se.  It does seem to nicely acknowledge God's sovereignty.  But if you say it, you better be at least 45 years old and wearing a fanny pack.]

to lead [someone] to the throne
-verb
1. to help someone experience and worship God (typically through musical worship)
Let's thank Karen again for leading us in worship.  She really does a great job of leading us to the throne, doesn't she?
[Notes: Many other people help us experience and worship God through teaching, preaching, prayer, and conversation, but only those with keyboards or guitars are given keys to the throne room.]

to covet [someone's] prayers
-verb
1. to eagerly desire that someone pray for you
(Body of letter)
I covet your prayers.
In Christ,
Jon
[Notes: This one, like many of these, has fallen largely into disuse.  What a shame!  Isn't it hilarious?  We take a word with a strongly negative spiritual connotation -- covet -- and use it to express the innocent, pure desire for people to pray for us.  How about "Let's lust after righteousness," or "My small group last night was spiritually debaucherous."]

Apart from the general subculture that is American Christianity, each church is its own sub-subculture.  They not only inherit the lingo above (and much more), but they inevitably create their own.  Here are a few of my favorites from my church (which I love, for the record):

lean in / lean into
-verb
1. to attempt to meditate on or experience a particular truth
We just heard Pastor X talk about joy.  Right now we really want you to lean into that.

create a space / create some space
-verb
1. to intentionally set apart a time for some purpose (almost always leaning into something)
We just heard Pastor Y talk about God's forgiveness.  Right now we really want to create some space for you to lean into that.

posture
-noun
1. an attitude of the heart
2. a physical position that reflects and communicates that attitude
We just heard Pastor Z talk about surrender.  Right now we really want to create some space for you to lean into that.  Sometimes a posture before God can help symbolize that, so if you're comfortable, maybe hold out your hands like this.

Just like a car runs on gasoline and the Serenity is powered by something called a radion accelerator core, my desire and energy to blog is powered by your interaction.  So:

What classic Christian lingo have I forgotten?

What unique phrases does your church use?

Do you have any fun jargon from your job?

Jon

How to deal with online rejection

I really think fear of rejection is one of the leading causes of being lame.  It's why people don't pursue their dreams, why Christians don't evangelize, and why it takes an almost otherworldly adrenaline rush for me to ask out a girl.

The reality, though, is that the "worst case scenario" -- rejection -- is almost never actually as painful or embarrassing as we fear.  Painful and embarrassing, sure.  But the crippling, dizzying, catastrophic, life-ending shame we envisioned?  Not even close.

And yet there's one specific form of rejection that my roommate and I have experienced that requires a special coping mechanism.  And even if you can't at all relate, I'm sure you can enjoy laughing at me and my roommate.


Rejection via abrupt, absolute withdrawal of communication

You may be wondering how that's even a possible rejection method.  Well, you're right, it's not really possible... unless the entire operation is over the internet.

• [Tangent-within-a-tangent: Not necessarily!  I once had a girlfriend in high school who tried to break up with me by totally ignoring me.  Um, hello?!  We both go to school here.]

Meeting people online is an embarrassing topic to many, myself included [note: it's so embarrassing that I feel compelled to blurt out that neither my roommate nor I have used online dating in a long time, and only briefly then].  But some tangents head to embarrassing places:

Suppose you meet someone online.  The initial contact will lead to emailing, which will in turn lead to use of the telephone.  Using the latter technology, you typically will ultimately set up a time and place to meet in person.

That's how the thing works, ideally.  However, what if somewhere along the way one of the people decides (s)he wants to go no further?  She (let's be honest, I'm not the one ending this thing) has two options:

1. Be a human being.  Simply send an email explaining that it's not going to work out for whatever reason.  Bid the person a pleasant adieu.
2. Be some sort of hybrid human-Ursula-Cruella-Wicked Witch of the West monster.  Simply cut off all communication with no warning or explanation.

Every reaction to tragedy has a cycle (my favorite stage in the grief cycle has always been bargaining, because it sounds cool).  When a person morphs into Urs-ella of the West and employs Tactic #2 above, the rejected person goes through these stages:

Excitement (to receive the next email)
Concern (about the longer-than-expected wait)
The first four stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression)
The final stage of grief -- Acceptance

But of what??  What is it we accept at the end of the Online Rejection via Silence Grief cycle?  We are forced to accept one of two things:

1. We are defective, ugly, witless, and unlovable.
2. The other person died in a freak gasoline-fight accident.

My roommate and I were both forced to accept the latter conclusion.  And so it's with a heavy heart that I dedicate this post to our former internet correspondents; may you rest in peace.

Jon

P.S.

Anyone else have any fun stories relating to rejection, internet dating, or gasoline fights? 

NFLopoly - "Steal from James Harrison" Edition

For all you non-sports fans

Not all of you are sports fans, I realize.  So I'm expanding the appeal of this post by making use of an extended Monopoly metaphor.  Conveniently, the metaphor doubles as an actual business idea, so if any of you is an entrepeneur...

Imagine an NFL Monopoly board game.  This probably actually exists, so if you've played it, feel free to imagine the real NFL Monopoly board game.  Instead of street properties from Atlantic City, you would buy football team franchises as you make your way around the board.

For a very low fee you could buy the brown properties right after Go, like... the Browns.  Eventually you would make it all the way to the blue properties, where teams like the Colts and Steelers would await you.

There would still be Chance cards, but Community Chests would be swapped out for fun cards called "Take James Harrison's Money."  Each card would have something like this:

• James leads with the crown of his helmet -- collect 25K
• James throws QB to ground unnecessarily -- collect 20K
• Repeat offender! -- collect 10j thousand dollars from James Harrison's bank, where j is the number of Take James Harrison's Money cards that have been revealed so far

The real issue -- comparing fines

I'm not mad that the NFL is cracking down on hits that unnecessarily endanger other players.  What I'm mad about is the total lack of sense in meting out these (seemingly arbitrary) punishments.  For instance, here are Harrison's 2010 fines to date, along with the other major fines this year:

Harrison awesomely does what is essentially a WWE move on Vince Young: 5K

Harrison blindsides Massaquoi: 75K

Harrison late-hits Brees: 20K

Harrison blows up Fitzpatrick: 25K

Richard Seymour punches Big Ben in facemask: 25K

Cortland "terrible human being" Finnegan starts fight after play: 25K
Andre Johnson destroys Finnegan in retaliation: 25K

I need hardly make an argument that this is unfair, because it pretty much speaks for itself.  Harrison has been penalized for playing football.  A few of his plays have been deemed overly aggressive/reckless (and I agree the hit on Massaquoi was scary).  In my opinion, which admittedly counts for nothing (not even 2 NFLopoly cents), the hit on Fitzpatrick was perfectly legal and worthy of football praise. 

But the other players were penalized for being outright violent -- while not playing the actual game.  I mean, seriously -- one player is playing football too hard/dangerously, and the others are punching people's faces between plays.


A tangent for one is lonely

What do you think?  Part A: Are the fines and penalties (which I didn't even mention!) on Harrison fair?

What do you think?  Part B: Thoughts on Monopoly?  Fun, too long, too many cheaters?  Also, what's the best version of Monopoly you've ever played or dreamt of?

Jon