Sports fanaticism -- one of the weirdest things in the world

Friends,

I targeted August for my return to regular blogging, so we'll see if this entry starts the desired domino effect (hopefully a better one than the Kinetic King's).  No promises.  Just wishful hoping and dreaming.

There will be two aims to this Tangent: to think about what sports really are, and to examine how we react to them.


What are sports?

For some reason, thousands of years ago, people found it fun to compete with each other in acts of physical strength and speed.  I guess athletes enjoyed the combination of the rush of actually competing with the bragging rights that go to the winner ("I inherited better genes than you, and/or I dedicated more hours than you did to figuring out how to launch a pole farther!").

That makes some sense, but what is really remarkable is how popular it became to observe these athletic competitions!  I guess early sports "fans" enjoyed the combination of the fun of watching with the bragging rights that go to the winner's supporters ("I chose to cheer for someone who inherited better genes than the person you chose to cheer for, and/or mine dedicated more hours than yours did to figuring out how to fling a disk farther!").

At any rate, we find ourselves in a world full of sports fanatics.  Despite what I'm now writing, I am one of them.  Part of this system is that we accept descriptions of sports that culture (explicitly or implicitly) gives us -- epic, crucial, must-see, important, heart-breaking, courageous, etc.

But I'll tell you what a sport is.  Basketball, for example: two groups of people that each attempt to, within a certain set of regulated maneuvers, put an inflated sphere of leather downward through an elevated circular hoop more times than the other.

Now, I'll say it again -- for whatever reason, I looooove sports.  But let's not forget that sports are more or less meaningless, their rules are almost completely arbitrary, and they exist purely for entertainment.  Which brings us to...


How do we react to sports?

I know people whom I need to avoid for about a week if their favorite college football team loses.  I know people who have cried when their favorite college football team misses a BCS bowl.  I know people who, when their favorite NFL team's quarterback throws an interception in the Super Bowl, make an equally bad throw with whatever the nearest object is.  I know someone who cried for an hour when the Pirates lost to the Braves in the NLCS long ago...

I assume you get the point.  Our emotions are invested in our favorite sports teams at a bizarrely high level.  How can we change this (if, in fact, we're interested in avoiding sporadic fiery rages or inconsolable depressions)?


My own battle with sports

I'll share what has helped me.  It is all a matter of perspective on sports and my life.  This change in perspective didn't come easily.  It took a "crisis" moment.  [The quotation marks indicate it wasn't a real crisis.]  Here's that moment, in a timeline of such "crises":

1992: Braves beat Pirates in NLCS.  I was too young to stop and learn from my depression.  So I cried for an hour and eventually had to move on with my young life.

1996: Steelers lose Super Bowl.  I wasn't a huge football fan yet, so this didn't bother me too much.  Though it was sort of a downer that they lost on my birthday.

2007: Pitt beats WVU in football, removing WVU's sure entry in national championship game.  This was the lowest of the low, and became the defining moment in my sports fandom.
 
When WVU lost that game, I was in my apartment, one thin wall away from about 20 of my friends who were all Pitt fans.  I immedately locked myself in my room so none of them could come taunt me (none tried, as far as I know).  But as I sat there in terror, I thought about what just happened:

The group of college students I was cheering for had failed to throw an inflated leather ball to one end of a rectangular field more often than another group.  That's why I was locked in my room and hating the world.  It made almost no sense.

Then I thought further, "Other than my ridiculous emotions, what effect does this game have on my life?"  Almost none.  It was probably the difference between my watching or not watching the title game.  So I potentially missed out on 3 hours of fun.  Should WVU have won the title (unlikely as that would have been), I probably would have bought a t-shirt.  So my t-shirt count is now at 235 instead of 236.

[After much contemplation and prayer, I ended up putting on a Pitt shirt and going next door with my friends.  When I tell my WVU friends that, they usually chastise me and say they're ashamed of me.  You know what, WVU fan?  I'm ashamed of you!!  My relationships with my friends are much, much more important than my support of WVU's football team.]

And so, when sports "tragedy" strikes -- like the Steelers losing this past Super Bowl -- I ask myself those two questions.  What exactly is this sport?  Does this affect my life in any real way?


How do you cope?

Please share any thoughts, stories, questions, ideas, etc., you have about being a sports fan.

Jon

NFLopoly - "Steal from James Harrison" Edition

For all you non-sports fans

Not all of you are sports fans, I realize.  So I'm expanding the appeal of this post by making use of an extended Monopoly metaphor.  Conveniently, the metaphor doubles as an actual business idea, so if any of you is an entrepeneur...

Imagine an NFL Monopoly board game.  This probably actually exists, so if you've played it, feel free to imagine the real NFL Monopoly board game.  Instead of street properties from Atlantic City, you would buy football team franchises as you make your way around the board.

For a very low fee you could buy the brown properties right after Go, like... the Browns.  Eventually you would make it all the way to the blue properties, where teams like the Colts and Steelers would await you.

There would still be Chance cards, but Community Chests would be swapped out for fun cards called "Take James Harrison's Money."  Each card would have something like this:

• James leads with the crown of his helmet -- collect 25K
• James throws QB to ground unnecessarily -- collect 20K
• Repeat offender! -- collect 10j thousand dollars from James Harrison's bank, where j is the number of Take James Harrison's Money cards that have been revealed so far

The real issue -- comparing fines

I'm not mad that the NFL is cracking down on hits that unnecessarily endanger other players.  What I'm mad about is the total lack of sense in meting out these (seemingly arbitrary) punishments.  For instance, here are Harrison's 2010 fines to date, along with the other major fines this year:

Harrison awesomely does what is essentially a WWE move on Vince Young: 5K

Harrison blindsides Massaquoi: 75K

Harrison late-hits Brees: 20K

Harrison blows up Fitzpatrick: 25K

Richard Seymour punches Big Ben in facemask: 25K

Cortland "terrible human being" Finnegan starts fight after play: 25K
Andre Johnson destroys Finnegan in retaliation: 25K

I need hardly make an argument that this is unfair, because it pretty much speaks for itself.  Harrison has been penalized for playing football.  A few of his plays have been deemed overly aggressive/reckless (and I agree the hit on Massaquoi was scary).  In my opinion, which admittedly counts for nothing (not even 2 NFLopoly cents), the hit on Fitzpatrick was perfectly legal and worthy of football praise. 

But the other players were penalized for being outright violent -- while not playing the actual game.  I mean, seriously -- one player is playing football too hard/dangerously, and the others are punching people's faces between plays.


A tangent for one is lonely

What do you think?  Part A: Are the fines and penalties (which I didn't even mention!) on Harrison fair?

What do you think?  Part B: Thoughts on Monopoly?  Fun, too long, too many cheaters?  Also, what's the best version of Monopoly you've ever played or dreamt of?

Jon