How to deal with online rejection

I really think fear of rejection is one of the leading causes of being lame.  It's why people don't pursue their dreams, why Christians don't evangelize, and why it takes an almost otherworldly adrenaline rush for me to ask out a girl.

The reality, though, is that the "worst case scenario" -- rejection -- is almost never actually as painful or embarrassing as we fear.  Painful and embarrassing, sure.  But the crippling, dizzying, catastrophic, life-ending shame we envisioned?  Not even close.

And yet there's one specific form of rejection that my roommate and I have experienced that requires a special coping mechanism.  And even if you can't at all relate, I'm sure you can enjoy laughing at me and my roommate.


Rejection via abrupt, absolute withdrawal of communication

You may be wondering how that's even a possible rejection method.  Well, you're right, it's not really possible... unless the entire operation is over the internet.

• [Tangent-within-a-tangent: Not necessarily!  I once had a girlfriend in high school who tried to break up with me by totally ignoring me.  Um, hello?!  We both go to school here.]

Meeting people online is an embarrassing topic to many, myself included [note: it's so embarrassing that I feel compelled to blurt out that neither my roommate nor I have used online dating in a long time, and only briefly then].  But some tangents head to embarrassing places:

Suppose you meet someone online.  The initial contact will lead to emailing, which will in turn lead to use of the telephone.  Using the latter technology, you typically will ultimately set up a time and place to meet in person.

That's how the thing works, ideally.  However, what if somewhere along the way one of the people decides (s)he wants to go no further?  She (let's be honest, I'm not the one ending this thing) has two options:

1. Be a human being.  Simply send an email explaining that it's not going to work out for whatever reason.  Bid the person a pleasant adieu.
2. Be some sort of hybrid human-Ursula-Cruella-Wicked Witch of the West monster.  Simply cut off all communication with no warning or explanation.

Every reaction to tragedy has a cycle (my favorite stage in the grief cycle has always been bargaining, because it sounds cool).  When a person morphs into Urs-ella of the West and employs Tactic #2 above, the rejected person goes through these stages:

Excitement (to receive the next email)
Concern (about the longer-than-expected wait)
The first four stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression)
The final stage of grief -- Acceptance

But of what??  What is it we accept at the end of the Online Rejection via Silence Grief cycle?  We are forced to accept one of two things:

1. We are defective, ugly, witless, and unlovable.
2. The other person died in a freak gasoline-fight accident.

My roommate and I were both forced to accept the latter conclusion.  And so it's with a heavy heart that I dedicate this post to our former internet correspondents; may you rest in peace.

Jon

P.S.

Anyone else have any fun stories relating to rejection, internet dating, or gasoline fights?