But what if you just don't like things you're supposed to like? Well, as far as I can tell, you either keep quiet about it or you share your feelings and hear, "You don't like _____?!?!" In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal -- but definitely an annoyance.
If your mind hasn't put 2 and 2 together yet, what I'm trying to say is that I don't like babies. No, that was sort of just for shock value (and I already feel society's guilt bearing down on me). To be sure, until a year or two ago, I didn't like people under the age of, say, 4. Here's why:
Why I didn't like babies/toddlers
1. Lack of rational thought and communication
I hate to sound so heartless. But if I wanted to spend time with something that moves around and makes noise but doesn't think or communicate, I'd get a dog. And believe me-- that's not happening.
2. They didn't like me
This was, far and away, the main factor in my disliking of the infantile. The phenomenon may be hard to believe, but my family can verify it. Every baby and toddler seemed to hate me. Why? I can only speculate, but here's my speculation:
- Because I am large and bearded. The sight of a bear, hippopotamus, or lion is terrifying to a small child. When the three are united in human form, it can only be the source of recurring nightmares.
- Because I didn't like them. I know it's strange to say that I didn't like them because they didn't like me because I didn't like them, but you know how these strange feedback loops work.
- Because they have more important things to do, like banging blocks together and watching Elmo.
The turning point: my best friend Hannah
My friends' daughter Hannah single-handedly turned the tide of reason #2 above, and my feelings toward very young people. She not only liked me, but (according to her precious statements) loved me. I very soon felt like an older brother, or uncle, or something. And she's just adorable.
My mom, noting that my general dearth of friends made Hannah my best friend by default and how similar we look to certain animated film stars, made an awesome window decoration:
Scaling the barbed-wire fence of societal pressure
Are there any other human beings who dislike babies, now or in the past?
What things do YOU dislike that everyone else in America seems to love?
Jon
(EDIT for accuracy)
ReplyDeleteMark me down in the "hates babies" column. Well, hate might be strong, but certainly "has a rational dislike" would fit.
Also, a cartoon I read daily is hitting on related topics this week. Mr. Adam Huber of WI has a few thoughts: http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/beelzebaby/ et seq.
The last panel on Monday's (5/2) strip is my primary addition to your list above - they are the reason we can't have nice things.
I feel this post...I get that "You don't like ____?!!" face all the time when I say that I don't like dogs/chipmunks/animals in general. Again, another one of those things you are just supposed to like, no questions. But, I'm sorry, I never will like dogs or chipmunks...they are by no means cute in my eyes. Good post, Jon! =)
ReplyDeleteI feel the need to help you overcome this clearly inappropriate attitude towards children. The best way is allowing you much time spent with our kids this summer. Oh, there is no need to thank me for such a drastic intervention. It is because I care, that I share!
ReplyDeleteI like children, as a concept, and perhaps on like a rental program. They're fun to hangout with and spend time around, but let's face it work wise they're quite a commitment. Anyways, in the general sense I like kids, but I think they get over hyped a little. I think my main thing is that as miraculous an event childbirth is; it's also disgusting to think a wee little one is...yep no reason to continue. All that said, my heart does melt when I'm around a baby, because the conniving little creatures feel the need to do things like make faces and throw things, which I'm totally down with, so I guess I'm torn.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely confirm Jon's feelings towards babies and lived through his slight transformation. I can also attest to the fact that Jon will NEVER own a dog.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I don't like Will Farrel, hate birds and loathe Indian food.
I have a friend who also hated babies, she hates most of what the majority loves. She was in a dark place trying to get away from a life full of drugs, alcohol, and anger at everything. When a not even 2 year old showed her unconditional love. She had a who body of believers surrounding her with the gospel, but it was the toddler that brought her to Christ. She now only likes that particular baby.
ReplyDeleteWhich came first, the chicken or the egg? And by that I mean, who disliked whom first to start the feedback loop?
ReplyDeleteOkay,
ReplyDeleteBabies and toddlers exhaust me.
Jon, do you ever want to have kids of your own?
I love birds and Indian food...but not Will F.
Chickens always come first.
Would you invite anyone else into your home and allow them to do the things that babies do, not the least of which is loading their diaper? No. With the under 4 crowd, I like to discuss quantum physics and humanist philosophy. They respond in much the same way adults do. There is that tricky time in the 5-10 yr old period when they understand words but concepts like time or consequences are really difficult, you have to be careful what you say. After that it is all about giving them attention but letting them be themselves, and keeping them from doing anything destructive. I'm not sure when they stop being "babies".
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, everyone!!
ReplyDelete@Jen - We live lonely and difficult lives as dog-haters.
@Roy - For the safety of your beloved children, never entrust me as a baby-sitter.
@Will - In my own attempt to act like a toddler, I think I'll stick with a whiney "They started it!!" I remember liking babies when I was really young, so I think their eventual terror toward and avoidance of me (read: my beard) started the vicious cycle.
@Kmech - Yeah, someday I'd like to have kids. But it seems fruitless to think about since so many steps have to happen first, not the least of which is "meet a woman."
@everyone else - Good stuff.
Keep commenting!
"My Jon!"
ReplyDelete- Hannah