I'm kidding when I say this, but still: there might be nothing worse than when someone you know gets a blatantly bad haircut (well, okay, getting one yourself is probably worse). And not because you have to look at the hairdo...
The problem is that from the moment you lay eyes on that butchered 'do, you're in a real communication pickle. Let me explain.
The Bad Haircut Dilemma
So you'll know what to do the next time you see me.
Your fate is sealed within 1 second of viewing the bad haircut. Because within that first second, you have either nonverbally (or verbally) revealed that you notice the change, or you haven't. If you haven't, then thank your lucky stars, you can escape from this thing unscathed. Just continue to ignore the person's hair and go on with your life.
If, however, you've accidentally shown that you realize a haircut has occurred, there's no escape in sight. You're then obligated to lie and say you like it. There's just no alternative. Consider the silent approach:
No, once you acknowledge the new hairstyle, you're obligated to say something about it. Saying nothing to follow it up would be super awkward, as I hope was captured in my drawing of the armless people above.
But what if you really, really hate the new 'do? I don't know what to tell you. As far as I can tell, you're looking at a choice between lying and saying something terribly mean. Just try to learn from your mistake and next time don't tip your hand. Or just stop noticing the world around you. But definitely don't make a noticeable response to a friend's strange new look.
The hard part is that it's so natural to respond to a change in someone's appearance. When something's different, your eyes tend to go straight there and your face tends to smile or freeze in an awkward surprised expression.
Let's problem-solve
You know, brainstorming and spitballing and stuff
Is there some creative solution to this dilemma that I'm not thinking of?
Have you been trapped in the Bad Haircut Deathtrap before?
Jon
Instead of giving my opinion on a haircut, I ask them if they like it because their opinion is the one that matters. If I grow a beard, it is not in hopes that I will be more or less attractive, it is because I like beards. I always follow up by giving a brief explanation of this approach to avoid the assumption I hate their hair and am avoiding telling them.
ReplyDeleteFather of Genetics
It seems that not noticing a new haircut could be just as bad as noticing a bad one, especially if the person with the new haircut you failed to notice got the new haircut and hopes it will be noticed.
ReplyDeleteContrast with me, if you will, the difference between me (hairstyle 1 - birth to 18, hairstyle 2 - 18-24, hairstyle 1 again - 24 to present) and certain girls/mothers/black-men-with-a-talented-barber-who-trims-intricate-shapes-into-hair/significant-others-who-will-be-miffed-if-the-new-do-isnt-noticed.
Where I am trying to be consistent and traditional (I think I've succeeded so far), they are trying to get noticed for the changes they've made.
Being part of that person's life and NOT noticing might actually be worse than noticing and willfully ignoring or commenting on how bad it might be. Both are paths that can only end in pain - one must choose (or be super-unobservant) wisely.
Jon,
ReplyDeleteThis made me giggle. My solution is to usually just say, "Oh, you got a new haircut?" They respond with, "Yep!" You respond with a non-committal, "Oh, that's cool." You are not saying you like it, nor are you saying you do.
Jon, this may be a culture-dependent question because when I drastically cut all my hair off while here in Honduras, all the kids in my host family flat out said they didn't like it. Now that I think about it though, maybe it's an just age-dependent question. The kids haven't yet developed a filter for appropriate times to lie in social situations.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in fifth grade, my Social Studies teacher was an old, curmudgeonly woman. One morning, a female classmate of mine asked her if she had gotten a haircut. The teacher snapped and yelled back something along the lines of, "Isn't it obvious that I got a haircut? Do you like it or don't you?" She clearly had some emotional baggage attached to the "Haircut Dilemma." If you care enough about your hair to yell at fifth-grade girls, you care too much.
ReplyDeletei hate this situation. for one, i am WAY to observant so there is no hope that i won't notice a new haircut. for the most part, though, i usually like the haircut and if i don't i say that i do, knowing i can convince myself later that i wasn't lying by finding at least one redeemable aspect of it.
ReplyDeleteSocial niceties are great in many cases, but I think they make us too soft and unable to accept criticism/dissenting opinion. It's ok that I think differently about your haircut! No big deal - let's just call it like it is and move on. It's not like I'm going to unfriend you on facebook or something. If you like the haircut, great, I don't have to. Your opinion of yourself and your emotional security shouldn't be tied to what I think.
ReplyDeleteThe correct response depends on the person who got the haircut:
ReplyDeleteSome guy you see once every four and a half weeks? Who cares, you won't see him again for another four and a half weeks.
Your best friend? Be honest because you're going to have to face this person many, many times while they have this haircut.
A woman? Don't move, don't breathe, don't blink, don't even think about haircuts. This is for your own protection.
Also, I'm unsure which is more awkward: noticing a bad haircut and not knowing what to say or noticing a haircut way too late ("Did you get a haircut?" "Yeah, three weeks ago...and I've seen you six times since then...")
Even though it might hurt, I would hope that if my hair cut were so horrible that it was distracting, someone would say so.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when you are looking at someone who desperatley needs a hair cut. How do you tell someone, "Dude your hair looks too, Harry-Potter-locked-under-the-stairs. Get it cut, I'd like to see your eyes."