2.06.2012

The Unforgivable Sin

Friends,

People -- good, ordinary, run-of-the-mill people -- do a lot of inconsiderate things.  I'm pretty sure it's just leakage from the rotten, sinful, fallen, depraved, Grinch-sized hearts we're born with.  But whatever the reason, we cut people off in traffic, slurp our soup, leave the toilet seat up, etc.

Most of this is just forgiven as part of being human (after a few seconds or minutes of anger).  Hey, we all make mistakes.  But one offense against humanity is so heinous, so egregious, so... putrid... that I'm sorry, people, but it has to stop.  Now.


The worst thing that people do all the time
Hint: it rhymes with "shmullowing your dog to crap on public ground without cleaning it up"

I live in an apartment complex.  There are plenty of things my neighbors do that annoy me, e.g. playing loud music, smoking weed.  Sometimes I let these things go.  Sometimes I write a letter to the powers that be.  But I can emotionally rise above it and move on with my life.

And yet, when someone allows-- nae, encourages, forces, facilitates -- shis dog to defacate on public, grassy, walking areas and doesn't clean it up....

I can't even type words right now as I think about it.  It breaks the scale of inconsiderateness. 

[My feelings toward it are summed up quite nicely by several scenes from I Love You, Man.  I would embed or link to them here, but now that I'm watching them, they are rife with profanities.  Like I said, the scenes sum up my feelings pretty well.]

Why is this action so terrible?  I'm glad I-pretending-to-be-you asked.  Here are a few reasons:

1. It so clearly violates the Golden Rule.  I know you don't like stepping in dog crap, irresponsible dog owner.

2.  You are responsible for all caretaking of that animal, and you know it!  When you purchased the dog, you entered a covenant with the pet and society that you would shield the animal from the harsh realities of this world and shield us from the harsh realities of that dog's excrement.

3. That ground is not your front yard.  The fact is, you don't have a front yard.  You live in an apartment complex.  When you made that housing decision, you forfeited the rights to certain things, among them planting a tree wherever you want, a huge glowing Santa in December, and untended dog feces.


What will we do?
I'm just barely ruling out a mob with pitchforks

I believe that if I catch someone doing this, I should be able to punch him or her in the face.  I don't care if it's an old lady-- an unremoved dog turd = a punch in the face.  It has been suggested to me that one could take a more creative approach at revenge.  The crap could be carefully collected and placed on the offender's doorstep.

What do you think?  How severe a punishment should be meted out for this most repulsive transgression?

Jon

12 comments:

  1. I'll admit to have done this once or twice. But I had no recourse! Sometimes I'll walk Casey (Jon's favorite dog) and forget to bring the appropriate, um, cleanup measures. Once when Casey did the deed and I was in this situation I actually got a big leaf and scooped up the poo and carried it home. But sometimes we don't have big leaves. We have bare hands. And we are several blocks from home - and access to bags or shovels or biowaste containers. This is the forgotten conundrum that non-dog owners don't consider. It's almost like being stuck having to pee with nowhere to go - what do you do? You urinate behind a car, we leave the dog poo to naturally fertilize (and therefore beautify) someone else's yard.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also - Jon, if you attempt to punch me in the face next time you see me, it's coming back at you. You have been warned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The difference, Jason, is that these people walking their dogs in my apartment complex live in my apartment complex. Their apartment, which we can safely assume houses their pooper-scooper and/or plastic bags, is within 30 yards. Also, I wouldn't be entitled to punch you in the face for Casey's pooping in someone's yard-- but look out next time you see that neighbor.

      Delete
  3. I don't think this is THAT bad because other animals poop too! So if there are geese or whatever else around, it doesn't make that much of a difference. And if they're doing it in a place that someone isn't going to step (in some bushes, on the edge of a cluster of trees), it's no biggie.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jon...I am ENTIRELY with you on this!!! Jason and anonymous -- I understand your points -- there are exceptions. However, I don't believe Jon is talking about these circumstances. He's talking about when there is only approximately 10 feet of grass around the apartment and it happens to be littered with dog poop.

    How about this one, Jon...There is an area at my apartment where I must go to throw my trash bags in the dumpster and check my mail box (which literally has about 7 feet of grass. Every single time I check my mail, I either step in dog poo or at least see some. However, there is a dog pooping clean up station-thing RIGHT THERE. They don't even have to return to their apartment (like you said, a mere 30 yds away) to dispose of their pet's waste. It's seriously despicable. And I will totally punch them in the face if I see anyone walk away from their dog's poo...At the very least, I will tell them how rude they are.

    Sorry for the rant -- but this is currently one of my pet peeves, too! =)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahahaha ..."pet peeves" -- I'm unintentionally hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think a punch in the face would suffice...

    ReplyDelete
  7. You have ruled out 'lynch mob' all too quickly Jon. But I recognize that there should be a sliding scale of retribution for so heinous a crime.

    I'll call it the Crapperabi Code

    Strike 1 - You let your pet poop in the communal area/my private property, I warn you with a strongly worded letter extricated from an envelope slyly filled with your pet's excrement. (alliteration not ruled out)

    Strike 2 - you continue to let your pet poop in those places, then Strike 1 PLUS I begin putting signs up ("No Poop For You", "Stay Off Grass: Poison Regularly Applied") and also in your yard or on your door ("Pooper, Not a Scooper", "Poop Is Perfect", "My Dog Poop Brings all the Feral Animals To Your Yard").

    Strike 3 - Strikes 1 and 2 PLUS old fashioned Beauty-and-the-Beast-style lynch mobs...complete with catchy show-tunes and flaming pitchforks full of pet poop.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So I almost didn't post this bc it might be borderline tangent crazy rant, but being that this is pretty much your own forum for tangent (crazy?) rants I thought I might as well.

    As anyone would know by looking 2 seconds on my Facebook, I am a dog owner. And I can't speak for every dog owner out there, but I can proudly say that I walk my dog with a trusty poop-bag dispenser clipped to his leash. And unfortunately as Jason said, there are times when you run out of bags or something else is on your mind and you just forget.
    Case in point (and here is where I get tangentle....I don't care if that isn't a word)- Mondays I take Milo to the Animal Rescue League to have a little training session and a doggy play date. I normally take off my trusty dog poop bag dispenser bc it is plastic and I don't want it flying around when the dogs are playing. It just so happened, that this later on this past Monday evening I took Milo out and as he started to poop (luckily not in a foot-trafficed area) I realized that it had completely slipped my mind to put the bag dispenser back on the leash. I had to leave the poop. Now before you punch me in the face or get out your Beauty and the Beast mob, maybe you could consider turning the other cheek, or foot, or at least just stop and think possibly that when you see that pile of poop- that while leaving poop out isn't considerate, that maybe whomever was on the other side of the leash had something else that they were considering...
    Between the dog play date and walk that evening, I had a doctor's appointment. It wasn't a good one. On top of a blood disorder, I now have a heart defect as well. Which is why I've been wide awake all night, finding myself commenting on blogs at 5am, and why in a few hours I will be going back to the doctors to get a heart monitor, on my birthday.
    So while forgetting the dog bag wasn't ideal, that little bit of poop wasn't the shittiest part of my day.
    And if someone later on on actually finds it and steps in it I apologize; And if it does happen to be the shittiest part of his/her day that sucks. But at least I'm pretty sure he will be wearing shoes, and shoes have soles that can be washed off (or as someone said, replaced).
    But in the scheme of things, if the worst part of your day can be fixed by some water and paper towels...well I'd have to say that you had a blessed day.

    So before you all go and get your boxing gloves out and mobs and pitch forks, Just take a deep breath, yea it sucks, and it is still rude of people who perpetually do it. But really, it's not that big of a deal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Kate, I'm so sorry to hear about your heart :(. I'll be praying for you, and I hope that despite all the worse-than-dog-poop stuff going on, you're able to have a joyful and blessed birthday.

      Delete
  9. Oh wow. That last comment threw a beautiful wrench into my commenting plans. But then I remembered... dude, I have cancer. I have to get radiation treatments every morning, and I sit through 8 hours of chemo on Fridays, and I STILL flipping HATE stepping in dog crap. My back neighbor is just freakin' lucky (blessed?) that I've not yet soiled my sparkly Madden heels, because I'm pretty sure my response would lose me my salvation (if I believed in that kinda thing (you know, theologically)).

    I'm kinda kidding. Ugh. Really only kinda.

    Having said that. Kate's right. Sometimes, shit happens. (I don't care if you're not laughing, that just cracked me up.)

    My real beef is with chronic abusers of the shared lawn. I have to cross that patch of grass to get to my car door. I assume that if I took a dump on the pavement outside of your car door every morning, we would have issues. (Both of us, albeit different kinds of issues.)

    So, barring the occasional forgotten poop bag, what's with people who think they don't have to clean up after their dogs? There's nothing else crapping on that lawn where I am. I live in Southern Missouri--even if there were geese, the hillbilly downstairs would probably shoot them for sport. No bears, no raccoons. Just dog crap. Dog crap between me, and my morning drive to radiation, which is already shitty enough. (Ha! That pun will just not get old!)

    Final notes: None of this is meant to offend. I don't get out much anymore. Sorry. And Kate, I know you don't know me, but I'll be praying for your heart. Seriously. You're on my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  10. chuckled on #2 and laughed hysterically on #3.

    You will love me after hearing this:

    One time, I was dog sitting. I was walking the dog down the street and he pooped in some rando lawn. The OWNER of the house walked outside to do yard work and SAW ME holding the leash AS Fido was pooping everywhere! (not really everywhere...)

    I didn't know what to do. I forgot to bring a baggie! OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    You know what I did? I turned right back around, walked alllll the way home and allllllllll the way back and I picked up that poop! All of it. And the owner man watched me. And I waved. And I felt so warm inside because it feels good to do the right thing.

    Pat my back!!!

    But, I gotta be honest. Not sure I would have done that if I wasn't caught in the act... :/

    ReplyDelete