It's funny to me how big a deal we make about Thanksgiving. I suppose a few perfectly timed factors help add to the excitement, e.g. the accumulation of rivalry and other important college football matchups, and the sense that once this holiday's out of the way, Christmas cheer and decorations can unashamedly run rampant in our lives.
But the main components of the celebration -- family, food, and being thankful -- can pretty much be staples of our lives if we want them to be. And while most of us will by necessity have our share of family and food whether we want them or not, I don't think gratitude made it onto Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
And so, I offer you a thanksgiving post, strategically timed the week after Thanksgiving. May this remind us that being thankful is a daily discipline, not an annual act. A continual conduct, not an autumn anomaly... and I'm gonna cut myself off there.
Things for which I'm thankful (in no meaningful order)
1. Beauty
I've been driving a lot lately. I don't like to drive alone, because I get fidgety. So, much to my mom's chagrin, I often call people while I'm on the road. But occasionally (when I happen to be driving at dusk or sundown), no phone call is needed because the beauty of the sky overtakes me. Now that I'm typing it out, this doesn't necessarily sound safe, being overtaken and all while I'm driving.
Anyway, two things up there really threaten to take my breath from me while I drive: sunsets and sunlight breaking through clouds. I'm always tempted to take a picture of these things when I see them, but A. I'm driving, and B. I don't have a camera. So here's a free stock photo I found online:
(The sky isn't the only thing I find beautiful, but in the interest of time...)
2. Truth
It's interesting that a person's field of work seems to weigh heavily on one's view of truth (what I really mean to say is epistemology, I think). Teachers tend to view truth as real and important, because their job is to teach true things to people. Artists, however, might view it in more relativistic terms, as the meaning and value of their own work might be different to different readers. Et cetera.
As a would-be mathematician, my view of truth was always absolute and certain. After all, I made it my job to understand and discover how quantities really work, in order to ultimately understand the physical reality around us. That's not to say that this view is unanimous among mathletes, but I think it's a pretty overwhelming majority. And now as a missionary... well, there may not be a more absolute truth oriented profession on the planet.
Anyway, I'm thankful that things are true. That we can discover real, reliable facts and properties about people, places, and things. That we can be wrong, and not have the eternal silver bullet of excuses, "I was just stating what is true to me." Two and two will never add to five, brah.
Because along with truth come meaning and purpose. Learning what's true and sharing it with others is important and satisfying.
3. International readership
Blogger tells me I've had readers from Italy, Bahrain, India, Greece, the UK, and a bunch of other countries. Thanks for stopping by! (I can only imagine how many mistakes led people here... people probably wanted to download When Harry Met Sally, which seems to appear in every entry I write.)
Who are you, mysterious faraway readers? I'll be even more thankful for you if you let me know who you are and how you got here. That's right, I'm bribing you with gratitude.
4. God, family, and friends
This is a blog of ideas, not a personal journal. So I'll leave number 4 at that. But I thought I'd mention them, since they are what I'm most thankful for.
What about you?
I'd love to hear what you're most thankful for right now, whether an "obvious" thing like family or something obscure like Shaun Suisham or your favorite memory.
Jon
Short answer: no.
Long answer: the rest of this post.
In 1989, when I was busy scoring goals in the wrong net for my indoor soccer team, a wonderful chick flick called When Harry Met Sally hit theaters. Years later, I would see the movie many times and marvel at its awesome dialogue.
In the film, Harry claims that "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." Now, I'm assuming that many of my readers come from the same place as me culturally -- the Christian subculture -- so you can feel free to delete the sex part. With this edit in mind, I present to you my thesis:
Men and women can't be friends because the [physical attraction/desire to date] part always gets in the way.
Interestingly, just as Sally in the movie vehemently refutes Harry's claim, most women reject it when I make it. But I'm not as mean or daring as Harry, so the conversation never takes the same direction that it did in the film:
Harry: ...men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Bam! Harry tells it like it is, leaving tact back at the beginning of their road trip. But is he right? I say that he is, and for the same reason he ultimately gives -- the various types of attraction that make opposite-sex friendships appealing ultimately doom them.
Suppose John and Jane meet. What will inspire them to begin a romantic relationship? Mutual physical and personality (including values, interests) attraction. What will inspire them to begin a friendship? Mutual personality attraction. So, for a guy-girl platonic friendship, without a one-sided romantic pining to exist, we would need a man and woman who are attracted to each other's personality, but not their appearance.
What I'm basically saying is that this doesn't exist. Most people are attracted to a great host of people, so good luck finding a guy and girl pairing in which neither is physically attracted to the other. Even if you DID find this, there's the principle that "the more you get to know and appreciate someone's personality, the more physically attractive the person becomes to you." So, as a friendship deepens over time, romantic feelings inevitably develop (see When Harry Met Sally's plot).
Many unfortunate consequences
You might be thinking (especially if you're a woman) that this isn't true. You might even be thinking of examples of opposite-sex friendships from your own life. But let's return to Harry and Sally:
Harry: You only think you do [have men friends]... what I'm saying is, they all WANT to [have a romantic relationship with] you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
If nothing else, you have to admire the characters' advanced debate techniques.
This is the tragic part of the above thesis... let's call it the Cursed Corollary: in every meaningful man-woman friendship, at least one of the people has romantic feelings for the other.
The wheels are probably starting to turn in your mind... yeah, that guy you are really good friends with totally platonically? He likes you. That girl you're always getting coffee with? Admit it dude, you like her. (It IS usually the guy who likes the girl, too, fyi. We are just easily attracted, and you are very pretty.)
If any of you happens to be female and my friend... um.. please don't take this too much to heart.
Exceptions to every rule
I admit, there are some exceptions. We have only been talking about single people so far, because it's too complicated to talk about people who are in relationships with other people. So that could present some exceptions. But the major exceptions are what I'm going to call "wedges," things that have wedged themselves between two people romantically.
A revised thesis, then, would read: Men and women without a sufficient wedge between them can't be friends, because the [romantic attraction] part always gets in the way.
What would these wedges be? Anything that makes it abundantly clear to both parties that nothing romantic is going to happen between them. The best example I can think of is the wedge named Chris between me and my long-time friend Amanda. Chris and Amanda dated off-and-on for seven years, during which time Chris was my best friend.
Even in their "off" times, it was very clear to me and Amanda that nothing would ever happen between us because of Chris's role in my life. And, with that wedge firmly in place, we were able to have a fun, meaningful friendship during her stretches of singleness.
Other potential wedges: a vow of celibacy, a close blood relation, a huge age gap, a twisted social web of distrust/broken hearts/bitterness...
Let the comments fly
What do you think? Can men and women be friends?
Jon
There are other blogs out there dedicated to movie reviews, like this one by a colleague of mine. I call him a colleague because we work for the same organization that employs over 27,000 people. I've met him once.
Anyway, I don't have the time, inclination, or expertise to make a meaningful contribution to the field of cinema critique. But there seems to be a lack of guys who are willing to stand up and call it like it is... in the world of chick flicks.
I've already written about my thoughts on the genre itself, so I will just stick to sharing my opinions about the best and the worst "rom coms" from a guy's perspective. I will even have the audacity to speak to the entire male gender in the process.
The Top Five Chick Flicks for Dudes
(or, My Five Favorite Chick Flicks)
5. What Women Want
There are tons of reasons this makes the top 5:
- All guys have dreamed of being able to read women's minds, or for that matter, to understand them in any way.
- It reminds us of brighter days for Mel Gibson, who was once very cool.
- It juggles about 3 or 4 storylines at once, thus escaping the boring, predictable simplicity of most chick flicks.
- The movie is ultimately about Nick Marshall's growth, not their relationship.
4. You've Got Mail
You've Got Mail is by far the most typical movie on this list. That's its biggest weakness -- a very typical, linear, predictable, yet unpleasantly unrealistic plot. However, the great performances by Hanks and Ryan allow it to still be great, and then these drawbacks become a strength. By virtue of its being a "typical chick flick," chicks like this flick. Meaning you can enjoy it alongside a lady, should you be so lucky.
3. Forget Paris
As you'll see, the top 3 of this list share a lot in common. Specifically, nonlinear plots and unpredictability. Forget Paris is an excellent example of that, plus you get the bonus of Billy Cystal's awesomeness. He plays an NBA ref, which is also sweet. There are great interview snippets with old married couples throughout, a plot that jumps back and forth from past to present, and a great story of love's endurance.
2. (500) Days of Summer
This movie has pretty much everything going for it. An awesome cast (seriously, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is rising toward the top of my man-crush list... I don't keep an actual list..), a great soundtrack, wonderful animation themes, a plot that skips around through time, but more than anything else, it is raw and honest. This is what is missing from most rom coms, and the reason I think most guys hate them -- their picture of emotions and romance doesn't line up with our actual experiences. But in this movie, it does.
1. When Harry Met Sally
This movie contains most of the features that I mentioned for the other 4 films. On top of all those things, WHMS just contains awesome dialogue. Any dude can be drawn into those conversations, particularly the debate about whether or not a man and woman can be friends. And, for the record, the answer to that question is, "No." [Perhaps than can get its own entry!]
Dishonorable Mention
(or, the Some of the Worst Chick Flicks for Dudes)
Sweet Home Alabama - tacky, predictable
A Walk to Remember - sad; too sad
The Notebook - I hate this movie on too many levels to describe briefly
Something's Gotta Give - don't EVER see this; naked old people
Mona Lisa Smile - by women, for women, about women
Men, I hope this is helpful. Women, I hope this helps you understand how what we think about movies typically made for you...
What do you think about chick flicks?
Jon
I'm going to a bachelor party this weekend, and we're going to be playing Texas Hold 'Em. If you've never played this game,
- I recommend it.
- What hole have you been living in for the last 8 years?
Anyway, in anticipation of losing money, my mind has begun to toss around some phrases from the game as I go about everyday tasks and conversations. It got me to thinking that Texas Hold 'Em has a lot of great phrases that can carry over into non-poker life. Here are some of the most prominent/cool examples:
Already used outside poker
All in
Meaning in poker: Having put all one's chips into the pot for the current round.
Meaning outside poker: Having put all one's hope or trust into something.
Examples:
(in football)
The Bengals went all in on that blitz, allowing Mike Wallace to burn the single coverage deep.
(in dating)
My heart was broken because I was all in on that relationship.
Bad beat
Meaning in poker: When a player has bet well, but loses the hand anyway, often because the river card is one of the very few cards that would cause the opponent to win.
Meaning outside poker: When a person does something well, but loses anyway due to an unlikely scenario playing out that causes the defeat.
- [Tangent-within-a-tangent: Game Theory is a branch of mathematics that I know very little about, but it's so fascinating that I talk a lot about it anyway. One of the central statements of this field is that games with "perfect knowledge" always have a winning strategy (or, if a tie is possible, a non-losing strategy). Perfect knowledge means that each player can see all the factors influencing the game (pieces, cards, dice rolls, etc.); so in chess, Connect Four, and tic-tac-toe, players have perfect knowledge, but in Stratego, Risk, poker, and Monopoly, players do not. Using our poker terminology, this statement could be rephrased to "Games with perfect knowledge do not have bad beats." This is probably clear if you've been able to follow this embedded tangent; if the game features a winning strategy, you can't blame a "bad beat" for your loss... just your inferior strategy.]
Examples:
(football)
We won the field position battle and got into position for a game-winning field goal when a torrential downpour suddenly overtook the field. What a bad beat.
(dating)
Despite all my charm, humor, and rugged good looks, and the fact that what Juliet and I shared was real and beautiful, it turned out to be a bad beat as Romeo opened up a bottle of Love Potion Number 9.
Ready to crack into the real world
Pay to see the flop
Meaning in poker: To match the bet of the player in the "big blind" seat in order to be a part of the hand.
Meaning outside poker: To satisfy one's curiosity by paying some price to be a part of something that's about to happen.
Examples:
(football)
"Yeah, so why did the Lions draft 3 WRs in the first round in a 4-year span?" "Great question. They always pay to see the flop."
(futility)
After being badgered so long by my neighbor to go out with her single female friend, I finally paid to see the flop and gave her a call.
I'm sure I've forgotten some great ones, since the game seems to be filled with awesome jargon. Let me know your ideas!
Jon
Dudes,
There are a lot of bad smells in the world. Among them, some have attained "legendary status": skunk, any kind of crap, limburger cheese (seriously, how could anyone eat that stuff?)...
But I've smelled something far worse. No matter how many sewage plants or dead animals I drive by, there will always be one odorous memory that haunts me more than any other. I could give you 1,000 guesses, and there's no way you'd get it (unless you glanced down and saw the picture below).
Yeah, the worst smell in the world is an orange peel.
You are probably in squinting your eyes, shaking your head, thinking, "Jon is an idiot." And that last part may be true, but I assure you, the picture above represents one of the worst smells, nay experiences, of my life. Here's the story:
I spent some time in "East Asia" (pardon the secrecy) about 5 years ago. My roommate while there was an old friend of mine, Greg Del Moro.
- [Tangent-within-a-tangent: As you might have already realized, the name Greg Del Moro is extremely similar to the name Gregor Mendel. So we usually called Greg by the name Gregor Mendel-moro or just "the father of genetics".]
The first day that Gregor and I entered our dorm room was the worst day of our lives. We unpacked and were checking out the facilities, which included a mini-fridge in our room. We opened the fridge door and were physically knocked back by a freight train of stench. Putrid, invisible coils of decayed citrus death punched me in the stomach and clawed at my neck.
Apparently the people of that part of the world find that orange peels help keep a fridge or room fresh and pleasant? And while this might be true of a peel that's one or two days old (I wouldn't know, I've never dared experiment with such a monstrous power), the one in our fridge must have been rotting for months.
If you google "orange peel uses" or "orange peel scent", you will actually find tips for how orange peels can freshen the air -- while they're being boiled. And I can attest to this, as just tonight my roomate boiled some orange peels while making cider. Yeah, my roommate makes cider.
Questions for you to ponder/answer:
- Do you have any stories of something that smelled surprisingly awful?
- Do you have any friends with sweet nicknames like "the father of genetics"?
Yours,
Jon
