Wow, it's been a while since I've given you a Tangent. I'm sorry. During my hiatus, I hope you enjoyed my friend Jeromie's guest post on semicolons. As usual, I have an excuse for my delay; I've been writing a ton for my new devotional blog, the link to which is on the bar above ("The Bible Tangents").
In the past, I've given you a few guides. A dude's guide to chick flicks. A bachelor's guide to home decorating. The (intended) charm of these posts was that I was providing guides on topics I know nothing about, largely to people who probably know a lot more about them.
This guide is different. I know a lot about pro football. And for many of my readers (really trying not to genderalize here), pro football is a mysterious or uninteresting subject. Why, then, would these readers care for a cheat sheet?
Two words: Super Bowl.
Pretty much everyone watches the Super Bowl. Whether it's for the football, the commercials, or the buffalo chicken dip, almost everyone I know tunes in.
Wouldn't it be cool, those of you who aren't football-savvy, to wow your friends with some keen insights and inside football jokes at this year's big party? I hope you just fist-pumped and cried, "Yeah!", because wowing is exactly what I'm going to help you do.
I'm not going to go into tons of details, because here's the deal-- you don't even have to understand these things. Just memorize them, word for word (they're easy), and say them at the right time. Memorize, say.
Leave the rest to me.
Cheat Sheet for Super Bowl XLVIII
First idea: comment on how long that Roman numeral is
1. "Beast mode (on the field)"
I didn't save the best for last. I gave it to you right out of the gate. Rookie mistake, maybe, but I really want you to use this one. When Seattle (blue/green/teal team) running back (guy who runs with the ball) Marshawn Lynch (will probably have dreads coming out the back of his helmet) does something good, just say "Beast mode!", or if you want to go all out, "Beast mode on the field!" This should impress everyone, because it hearkens back to an amazing interview:
2. Peyton's charity
This is all over the news, but hey, some people steer clear of anything football-related. If that's you, I'll fill you in: whenever Peyton Manning (Denver quarterback) yells "Omaha!" before a play, which he does often, a donation is made to the Peyback Foundation. This won't be super impressive to show off, but you could be creative and/or subtle. I suggest responding to an "Omaha!" with a gentle smile and, "Bless his heart."
3. Denver's shaky defense
Just memorize the fact that Denver has a shaky defense. Is it true? I don't know; I'm too lazy to look up stats right now. But I think it's certainly a reasonable claim. If you point this out, it will stun your football friends. Here's what I recommend: wait until the Seahawks (blue/green/teal team) have a good passing or running play and then nod your head knowingly and observe, "Denver does have a pretty shaky D".
4. Sherman: man or monster?
There's a defensive player (doesn't usually touch the ball, just tackles people) for Seattle (still teal) named Richard Sherman (who will also, coincidentally, have dreads coming out the back of his helmet). You won't have trouble finding him, because the cameras will turn to him early and often. Why? Because he recently gave a rabid, bellowing, frothing post-game TV interview. You can use this to your advantage however you want, but I suggest something like, "Wonder if they'll give him a post-game interview?"
And that will pretty much make you the star of the Super Bowl party.
For football fans: What other tips do you have for the non-fans?
For the non-fans: Please let me know if you try any of these!!
Jon
If Denver (orange/dark blue team) wins, praise Peyton Manning (the guy who throws the ball) for being the greatest quarterback ever. If Denver loses the game, ridicule Manning for being a bum who can't win a big game.
ReplyDelete[I support neither of these statements]