Friends,
Most words in our beloved language have but one pronunciation. Most words are simple and straightforward enough-- solid, sturdy words like "solid" and "sturdy". But a few words have gone rogue and, whether from British/American differences or miscellaneous pretension-baggery, feature an alternate pronunciation. I'm not concerned with words that have 2 (more or less) equal options, like caramel or garage. What really grinds my gears are words with one normal, accepted, perfect pronunciation and one that is steeped in pretense, condescension, and superiority... and, more specifically, the people who choose the latter.
As with any human endeavor, I enter this one with some level of hypocrisy. When faced with a choice between a common word whose meaning I know and a rarer one whose meaning is only partially clear to me, I sometimes go with the schmancy one. But I feel that my pretension is a little more justifiable-- I'm trying to expand my (and my listeners') vocabulary horizons. The person who chooses an alternate pronunciation, though, broadens only my frown.
Pretentious Pocket Dictionary
That's not to say anyone's pocket is foppish
foyer [foi-EY]
noun
- an entrance hall, especially one in which superior activities take place: Pray join me in the foi-EY for some scones and literary criticism.
mature [ma-TORE]
adjective
- exhibiting more development, especially intellectually, than others: Don't I sound more ma-TORE than you?
schedule [SHEJ-oo-uhl]
noun
- a series of things, especially intellectually superior ones, to be done: Sorry, my SHEJ-oo-uhl is full of things like monocle-wearing.
the (x+1)th century [instead of "the x hundreds"]
phrase
- the years x-hundred to x-hundred-and-99, especially the superior events from those years: During the... (pause to convert "1200s" to a century)... 13th century... (pause for listener to convert "13th century" to hundreds)... there was a dramatic rise in the eating of crumpets.
Okay, it's a short dictionary
At least it will fit in your ornate pocket
What other words belong in the PPD?
What pronunciation really grinds your gears?
Jon
Friends,
If you know me, you know I was a child of the 90s. The music, TV shows, and movies of that decade defined my childhood. As an '85 baby, I was perhaps perfectly situated in age to be 'raised' by Danny Tanner, MC Hammer, and Mufasa (and really, you can't argue with those role models).
But those parts of the 90s live on. Armed with Netflix and Spotify, anytime I want I can nostalgically reunite with Doug Funny or Seal. Other cherished elements of my early years, however-- like the foods and drinks I lived on-- exist only in memory. My distant, fading, shadowy memory. Sad face.
My Nostalgia Foods
If you track down any of #1, I will give you anything for it.
These five foods and drinks don't necessarily make the list because of their quality or taste. For some, yes, they were awesome. But for others, as you'll see, it's more about the niche they filled in our lives. Well, with that out of the way:
5. Dunkaroos
Think about this product: cookies you dunked in frosting. That's a straight-up dessert. Yet these gems somehow passed themselves off as snack foods and got put in kids' lunches. That kid was blessed, was the envy of the class, and for some reason was never me. I know it's weird, but I mainly miss this food because of the awesome jealousy it inspired in all of us. (This is technically still available, but not nearly as widespread as it once was.)
4. Surge
Okay, let's be honest for a second. Surge was more or less toxic sludge. It glowed an eerie green. It tasted slightly worse than most lemon-lime beverages. But the mythology!! Maybe it was the bright green can. Maybe it was the false rumors of near-dangerous caffeine levels. Whatever the reason, we thought Surge gave us magical powers of energy, speed, and alertness. And for that, I miss it a lot.
3. Crystal Pepsi
Crystal Pepsi was the product of a simple, brilliant idea: to make a colorless cola. The product failed miserably, presumably because our taste buds had been trained to expect Sprite or 7-Up when we brought a clear soda to our lips. But the effect of this swift failure is what makes me look back so fondly-- by '95 or '96, Crystal Pepsi was already 'a thing of the past', inspiring nostalgic, knowing expressions on our wise 10-year-old faces.
2. Rice Krispie Treats cereal
I hope, Reader, that you had a chance to eat this marvelous cereal. If you didn't, then you sadly can't imagine how delicious it is. You might be thinking, "I've had Rice Krispies cereal, and I've had Rice Krispies treats, so I can put 2 and 2 together." But that's so miserably wrong. That's like thinking that since you've had an apple and a graham cracker, you can imagine the taste of apple pie. Or that since you've had a lemon and worn a Band-Aid, you can imagine the refreshment of lemonade. But on the bright side, it may not be too late!! Some online forums claim this treasure is still available in certain eastern Pennsylvania grocery stores.
1. Tropical Sprite Remix
This technically wasn't a 90s drink, as its near-miraculous inception came in 2003. But I can't make a list of amazing bygone food products without paying homage to TSR. This was commonly referred to as "liquid Skittles", as it was basically just Sprite with strong fruit (read: Skittles) flavor added. The funny thing is that I don't like Skittles. In fact, I don't even like Sprite very much. But something about this drink was heavenly. So much so that my friend Zach and I called it "the sweet nectar of life". We were goofy 18-year-olds. [And now, still calling it that, I guess we're goofy 28-year-olds.]
What were your favorite 90s food and drinks?
Were you ever sad when a food product was discontinued?
