I'm reminded of that sobering insight as I set about to portray the shaving of my head as one of the most important, profound epics that humanity has ever seen.
The little beard trimmer that could
or, "how I came to make one of the best decisions of my life"
It was a hot day in early summer in Ocean City -- so early in summer, in fact, that the crows were still attacking people left and right as the baby crows learned to fly -- when my summer roommate (let's call him Justin) decided, somewhat on a whim, that he would shave his head.
I, wanting so badly to be part of something (anything), cleared my throat and ventured, "Um, I was thinking, that maybe... that perchance I also could, likewise, in addition, shave my head as you have just done too."
Justin's body pulled off, in that moment, a complex set of simultaneous actions. His brow furrowed, his gag reflex started to choke him, and his eyes widened in a look of unmistakable horror. Without saying a word, he made it clear that he imagined a shaved head version of me would look like a cross between Sloth and the bad guy from the Green Lantern movie:
His words were slightly kinder: "No man. Not a good idea."
Terrified by the image I imagined he was imagining, I accepted his decision and tried to blot the memory from my mind.
But five months later, I still hadn't gotten my hair cut since that conversation and my hair was getting long and gross. One day in early autumn -- a day that was unusually hot for autumn and thus one that made my hair unusually uncomfortable; furthermore, a day on which I happened to be really fed up with women and work, and thus was desiring to bring about as much change as possible -- I turned to my much more agreeable friend Mike and said:
"I think I might shave my head."
His reaction was the exact opposite of Justin's. He lit up like a kid at Christmas and even started talking logistics. In a matter of hours I was completely determined to buzz off all my hair.
[I've run out of narrative steam. To finish the tale-- The next night, I did the deed with my roommate Pat's help. My weak-action beard trimmer proved to be an obstacle and threatened to leave my head disgustingly half-shaved, but Pat swooped in with his much better technology.]
Why I love the new look
and why I'll never go back to the way things were
1. It's free. I can never pay for a haircut ever again? Awesome.
2. It gives me options. While I'm sort of attached to the always-hat look that I've used for personal branding the past 4 years, it's nice to be able to leave the apartment without one.
3. It looks pretty B.A. Or at least it does in the one existing photo of it, which was carefully crafted to look B.A.:
Take that, Justin.
What was your "shaved head" decision?
obviously there are limits to vulnerability on a public blog about nothing, but still...
Have you ever been talked into or out of doing something crazy? Tattoo, skydiving, piercing, seeing Night at the Museum 2, etc.?
Jon
A comment more so on hair styles (of the facial kind) and less so on peer pressure:
ReplyDeleteIn high school, God gifted me with a rare physical talent for my young age: the ability to grow a thick beard. This put me in the situation of shaving frequently, or allowing it to grow and draw unwanted attention to myself. Since shaving seemed like far too much work, I chose to compromise, shave part of my face, and go with a goatee!
Now my red goatee was hot, obviously, but I eventually chose to step it up an extra degree of studliness. In my senior year, I shaved the area of hair connecting my mustache to my goatee; thus, creating what I referred to as "the Johnny Depp/ Pirates of the Caribbean look". Sadly, the only verbal feedback from the ladies was mockery.
Alas! This facial hair style coincided with the time in my life when the highest number of females was attracted to me. This can not be mere coincidence! Thus, I was forced to conclude that the power of my mustache/chin goatee over women is irresistibly strong. Women would be too preoccupied daydreaming of my face that very little would be accomplished in this world. My conscience cannot bear the guilt of bringing society to a standstill. For the good of the world, my mustache will forever remain attached to the rest of my facial hair...
Well, at least until I get a bit more desperate...
P.S. I saw "Night at the Museum 2" at an I-Max in Chicago. In case you are curious, the size of the screen and awesomeness of the city did nothing to improve the film. However, it still exceeded my (extremely low) expectations.
So proud and you do look pretty B.A. Jon! Alyssa is slightly upset she didn't get to do the deed though. Not sure if doing crazy things makes a man crazy, or if means I'm just easily swayed, but I've shaved my head, got a tattoo, sky-dived and watch both the first and second Night at the Museum voluntarily. Never regretted a thing!! (Free haircuts are amazing!)
ReplyDeleteThis is...totally brilliant.
ReplyDeleteMy shaved head moment would be the official act of befriending you. Kidding. But seriously, fav blog post so far. I lol'd many times. "Let's call him Justin." You know what? LET'S!
hahahahahahaha
Being a man of caution, I am glad to note that my "shaved head" moment was the decision to start wearing bow ties.
ReplyDeleteIt changed my life.