The right and wrong ways to use an apostrophe
There are 3 (and only 3) correct uses for apostrophes in the English language. They are...
1. Possession
Ex.:
This is Jon's calculator.
This is Jon's extended edition DVD of The Two Towers.
No, she is not Jon's girlfriend.
2. Contraction
Ex.:
It's not like I'd betray those who've misused apostrophes, because I'm sure I've done it (haven't we all?), and if I don't stay careful, I'll hurt someone and he'll say he'd never do a thing like that and it wasn't his fault and it isn't my business and this won't be the last I hear from him.
3. Outlandish first names
Ex.:
Da'Quan
D'Sean
D'Mario
Mone't
D'asia
(These were ones I found quickly on google. Sadly, D'Luigi returned no results.)
What you can't do with an apostrophe is pluralize common words. So if you see a sign in a grocery store that says "Banana's" or "Apple's", you know you're not in a grammar store.
I will now say something that, if you're a seasoned grammarian, might blow your mind. According to p. 985 of Greenbaum and Svartvik's A Comprehensive Grammar of the English Language (according to wikipedia, of course), it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to pluralize written items that aren't actual English words.
Thus, it would be grammatically ok to write that such-and-such global war happened in the 1940's or that you learned your ABC's.
[There's no compelling reason for me to argue for this pluralization opinion, but I thought it might shock a few of my highbrow friends, and highbrow people need to chill out. And I do realize that, grammatically, I'm typically the highest brow.]
Thanks for reading!
As always, I'm accepting feedback, questions, praise, disagreement, relevant prose or poetry, and ideas for future posts in the Comments section.
Jon
What about possession for a word that ends in 's' -- like, Jesus? Is that still a debate, or has it been settled, and I am just incredibly lowbrow?
ReplyDeleteWhat about It's vs its? That one always confuses me!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Hopefully millions of internet-goers will read this and STOP USING APOSTROPHES FOR PLURALS! I'm going to take this opportunity to re-post this on my Facebook so perhaps my friends can learn what they should've learned in 4th grade :)
ReplyDeleteNice post! I love the apostrophe, but I hate its* misuse.
ReplyDelete*Mike -- only use an apostrophe in "its" if you're using the contraction for "it is" (like "it's a great blog post, Jon"). The possessive form of its (like "the dog wags its tail") doesn't need an apostrophe. :)
ab -- different style guides give different opinions, but some say that you can refer to Jesus and Moses with a simple s' (Jesus' disciples or Moses' staff, etc). Typically, though, it would be Jesus's or Moses's (you still add an 's even if the names end in s). I don't think dropping that last s is a huge deal, though. Just my opinion... and it's taken me a while to get there. ;)
What people always mess up are names that end in es -- so, for instance, my friend Kelsey's last name is Barnes. If I was going to her and her husband's house, I would be going to the Barneses's house. (But again, I think it's generally ok to write Barneses'.) People always forget to make it plural first (by adding the es at the end) and end up writing Barnes' or something like that.
Ok, seriously. It's late, and I'm tired, and I'm writing an entire blog post in your comment section. Over & out.
PS: I confess: I'm not a fan of the apostrophe in non-English words!
PPS: I HATE apostrophes in plurals!!! It drives me batty. We went to dinner tonight at a nice restaurant that offered various "pizza's" in the menu. Argh.
Beth-- Wow. You have mad skills. Thanks for the info. Do you happen to know if you can end a sentence with the word "is"?
ReplyDelete