Guest Post: The Semicolon

(Today's post, and hopefully what kicks Tangent Space(s) back into high gear, is from my awesome friend Jeromie up in the Great White North. The link to his blog can be found at the end of the post.)

Semicolons; they stand united.
Photo Credit: ilovememphis via Compfight cc

Remember those basic standards tests we had to take back in high school? The ones you needed to pass in order to graduate? At our school we had to meet with our English teacher one-on-one before we could take the writing test.

As I sat down, she quickly assured me that I had nothing to worry about. In fact, she even challenged me to try a few new writing techniques just to spice things up a bit (that's when I knew for a fact teachers really don't read students' papers). Her exact words:

'You should try throwing in a semicolon or two; they're an easy way to bump up your score.'

I took her advice, and ended up scoring a 5 out of 4. You read that right - apparently the writing test people should spend more time with the math test people. I think it was supposed to be a scale of 1 to 4, then 4's were broken down and scaled from 4 to 7. Maybe to make the 2's and 3's not feel as bad as they would if it were 2 out of 7 or 3 out of 7? Who knows...

She had created a monster. I tend to use them everywhere now; not quite as often as the hyphen, but still more than any human should. And now I have an even bigger confession to make - I never actually took the time to learn how to properly use the semicolon!

If you know, please don't share. I'd much rather go on living in my own happy little world.

Instead of learning the rules, I decided to make my own little gradient for connecting phrases in my writing. It goes something like this:

And
Two phrases, one uninterrupted thought. 'She slapped him and walked furiously out the door.'  

Comma
Two phrases, one thought with a slight pause in the middle. 'Reaching the sidwalk, she paused and considered going back for her world-class record collection.'  

Hyphen
Two thoughts, closely connected. Often an effect-cause relationship. 'She decided to forget about them - they would remind her too much of him anyway.'  

Semicolon
Two thoughts that could stand on their own as two sentences. Implies slightly more intimacy than a period. Also implies the writer has a better-than-thou mentality. 'The brake lights disappeared into the distance; he was going to miss her something fierce.'  

So there you have it - my made up rules for writing.


Which grammar rules do you follow religiously? Which do you avoid like the plague? Are any of them rules that you made up yourself?

Jeromie Hamann

WisdomWonderBeauty

Guest post: Reality TV!

Friends,

Through some combination of work, laziness, not receiving enough comments on my last couple posts, and Netflix, I find myself again apologizing for a delay in my blogging. But my wonderful and talented girlfriend Ashley has come to the rescue with a guest post! I hope you enjoy! (But not so much that you actually watch any of the shows listed below.)


Ashley's Top Six Reality Shows
Note: these shows do not actually portray reality.

Here's something you're not ever going to see on Tangent Spaces without a guest post: Good recommendations for reality television! Because Jon watches mostly crap. [Editor's note: my favorite TV shows of all time include LOST, Arrested Development, Psych, Battlestar Galactica, Community, Freaks and Geeks, Heroes (season 1), How I Met Your Mother... you can decide for yourself if that's crap.]   Lucky for you, new friends, he's dating me. And here are some of the best reality television shows out there.

1. Breaking Amish 
This show combines everything I love. (Two things I love.) Religion, and reality TV. Five farm kids hit the mean streets of New York City (read: a comfortable hotel) to encounter their dreams. In the meantime, they encounter other things, like...light switches. Also see: skanky clothes, tattoos, and a whole lotta booze. Episode Five is particularly explosive when Rebecca is first blackmailed by, and then reveals, a dark secret! (Spoiler alert: She used to dress up "English" and go BOWLING. Gasp. Yawn.)

 

2. My Fair Wedding with David Tutera 

Um, hello. A fabulously-dressed gay man who swoops in and plans fantastical wedding celebrations with themes like "Glitter!" and "Swamp Wedding." Obviously, I am watching. This show really spins around two things: David's facial expressions, and the grade-A, crazy bride he's trying to help. Tell us, David, is a frog motif ever really appropriate at a wedding? No. Uh-uh. No. Just. Really. No. 

3. Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta

The accents, the sequins, the completely delusional belief that taffeta makes us look thinner! The show follows Lori Allen, owner of the massive, multi-floored boutique "Bridals by Lori," as she and her team ask the question, "So...is THIS your dress?!?" Then the girl gets all crazy and manic and tearful, and ends the episode whispering yes repeatedly. This show isn't really about the bride, though. It's about the crazy family. The sister who openly admits wanting a prettier dress than her sister bride. The mom and the mother-in-law shouting in the lobby. The Dad who thinks there's too much cleavage. The Dad who thinks there's too little cleavage...

4. Keeping up with the Kardashians

Ok, so this is hardly reality television. The day that the Kardashians live in the real world is the day that I wear a custom Vera Wang to my wedding. I mean, here's a group of ladies who make the Real Housewives of Orange County seem grounded, and sane. But this sometimes shocking and always flagrant obliviousness to reality--this is what MAKES the show. Nora Ephron (amazing now deceased romantic comedy writer/producer, think "When Harry met Sally" and "You've got Mail") once talked about how romantic comedies are intentionally a little shinier than real life-- the people are a little hotter, the clothes a little trendier, the places a little more fun--because that's what we want to see! That's escapism! And that's the "Keeping Up" world. So...do it, escape with me. As the sisters say, "Kardashians for Life!" 

5. Married to Jonas

I am not thirteen. I feel it necessary to preface these comments with that. But seriously, could Kevin Jonas have found a sweeter girl with whom to live life? Danielle Jonas is so fun, I might consider listening to her husband's music. And hey, let's be real--given that I already love Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and One Direction, I would probably enjoy it. 

6. Duck Dynasty

This is the extremism of the Kardashians, in reverse. A group of hillbilly brothers wantonly flaunting their red necks with complete disregard for social conventions like proper English and baths. But they pray! At the end of every episode! It's so outrageously Christian, it might as well air on TBN. Yes, they are Christians, and thanks to the expensive duck calls they make, they are loaded, and if that's not enough for you--they are so seriously hillbilly you can't help but feel better about whatever whacked-out, back-water relatives you have. So the next time you walk up on your cousin Bubba roasting frog legs over a bonfire made of an old duck blind in the back yard, just know, it could be worse.


Other Mentions...

Hoarders

I agree. A dead cat is the best cat, and wow, so many dead cats!

Secretly Pregnant

Really? Not for long.

Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay/Restaurant Impossible with Robert Irvine

Seriously, why have they never brought these shows together? What's better than one famous British chef stomping around your kitchen, shouting, and spitting out your food? Two! Obvs.

Intervention

I believe this show is a legitimate use of my prayer and devotions time.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

I know, I know. But really--it's ripped from the headlines! And Olivia Benson is my hero.

What about you? Do you watch any of these shows? 

 

Or, like Jon, are there any you avoid like the plague? (Who thinks Jon should suck it up and watch Kardashians with me after I have major surgery?) 

 

Which shows did I miss?

 

--Ashley [and Jon]

 

 

[I'm not gonna lie, these dudes look awesome.]